


I'll walk through hell with you

by everythingisconnected



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Spooning, dean being emotional, hand holding, im new at this, lots of feelings, what tags do i even use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:18:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisconnected/pseuds/everythingisconnected
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For hours he'd just sit there, holding Cas' hand or combing his fingers through his hair, every single day without fail. He had to be there for him now, making up for all the times when he'd failed to be at his side, which had ultimately led to Cas believing he didn't care and saying yes to Lucifer. He'd be damned to make the same mistake again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll walk through hell with you

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is my first destiel fanfic, im sorry if it's not that great but i tried  
> i hope they're in character!! thats mainly why its taken me so long to write something  
> feedback/constructive crit welcome, pls give me validation or tell me how i could improve, no harsh comments pls im too soft  
> the only reason i didn't include chuck in this is bc i have no idea how spn are gonna write or include his character, this is a headcanon anyway and probably not exactly how canon will end up  
> hope u enjoy it!!

It'd been several days now since Dean and Sam has successfully managed to save Cas from the clutches of Amara and Lucifer. After hearing about everything that Cas was going through; the torture from Amara and having Lucifer in him, using him to do horrible things, Dean had been pushed past breaking point. Usually he was tough, despite being at the cost of being unhealthily emotionally suppressed, and could hold himself together in situations like these. But seeing the man he loved (he was finally coming to terms with using that word in the context of Cas) in extreme pain, knowing that there was nothing he could do because Amara was too powerful, was just too much for him. 

Eventually, after freeing him, the Winchesters' next job had been to expel Lucifer after knowing he could no longer help in the fight against Amara. Which had involved Lucifer telling them the exact reasons why Cas had said yes, after all there'd been plenty of time to converse about it inside his head. Of course Dean had been devastated and upset at the thought of his angel hating himself, feeling expendable and like he was no use to him or Sam. Acting impulsively, he'd spilled his heart out and pretty much confessed his feelings for his best friend (minus the L word, which he still hadn't found the guts to say). Sam had stood there in shock for most of it, even though after all they'd been through recently and Dean being so desperate to find Cas he'd known. He'd had suspicions for a while actually but had never thought Dean would ever have the balls to say it out loud. 

What Lucifer wasn't expecting was for Cas to suddenly take over, finding the strength from Dean's words and shakily asking him if he was telling the truth, Dean had said _of course I am_ , and kissed him to prove it. He'd actually kissed him. That'd been the moment where Cas finally believed him, expelling the archangel inside him and kissing back for a moment more before collapsing in his hunter's arms.

Now here they were, Cas dead to the world and tucked up in Dean's bed with Dean sitting beside him. He'd been doing that a lot over the past few days, after hunts and research sessions with Sam on trying to defeat Amara for good. He'd been worrying about Cas non-stop, after all he had been sleeping ever since he'd fallen into Dean's arms after expelling Lucifer. It must've taken a lot out of him; being tortured, being possessed and hating himself in general. Dean had been there, there'd been nights where he'd hated his own reflection and spent hours lying in bed remembering all his mistakes, and it'd definitely drained him of energy. 

Dean gazed down, gently stroking his angel's hair and wondering when he'd wake up. Would he even remember anything he said? Their kiss? The thought worried Dean even more, it was hard enough to confess and take that step once, let alone have to do it all again. He sighed and took Cas' hand, holding it between his own and resting them on his thigh.

"C'mon buddy," he whispered, mostly to himself as Cas probably couldn't hear him in his current state. "You better wake up, I miss you man. I need you back."

He realised that if he and Cas were gonna be a thing, he should probably ditch the terms 'buddy' and 'man' when referring to him, but he'd been using them for so long now it'd become a bad habit. He briefly wondered what other nicknames he could use instead, 'babe' and 'baby' didn't seem like a good pick as he associated 'babe' with the girls he'd hooked up with in the past and 'baby' with his car. Maybe something like 'angel' seemed more suited to Cas.

For hours he'd just sit there, holding Cas' hand or combing his fingers through his hair, every single day without fail. He had to be there for him now, making up for all the times when he'd failed to be at his side, which had ultimately led to Cas believing he didn't care and saying yes to Lucifer. He'd be damned to make the same mistake again.

Dean had begun to doze off himself, eyes falling shut while still sat on the side of the bed. He was gradually becoming sleepier, feeling himself lose consciousness, when an almost inaudible grumble and shifting from behind him made his eyes shoot back open.

Rubbing his eyes with his free hand, the other occupied and fingers laced with Cas', Dean turned around to see actual movement coming from his angel.

Cas' eyes flickered open, widening when Dean came into focus in front of him. "...Dean?"

"Cas! You're alive!" Dean felt his heart swell with happiness, knowing Cas was safe. "You've been out for days, I was startin' to wonder if you'd ever wake up."

"What...where am I? Dean, you're..." Cas glanced at their joined hands, a small smile on his face. It'd been the first time Dean had seen Cas smile in way too long and it looked beautiful on him.

"Yeah," Dean gave Cas' hand a gentle squeeze. "Jus' makin' sure you're OK."

Cas smiled even wider, making no effort to separate their hands. His eyes closed again, god he looked so weak, so drained and completely unlike the Cas Dean knew. It was like seeing a completely different person, or angel.

"I'm sorry Cas, y'know, for everything," Dean finally said after a moment of silence between them, deciding now was a better time than ever to finish the much needed talk between them. "Everything I've done to you, this is all my fault. I was so damn stupid."

"Dean," Cas looked up, still too weak to move anywhere from his current position. "Don't blame yourself."

"Dammit Cas," the hunter stressfully ran a hand through his hair. "You're doing the thing again, the thing where you're too forgiving for your own good. I don't deserve your forgiveness. What I did was selfish, I was too caught up in the fight against Amara to even ask how you were doing. You know I'm no good with the whole feelings thing, I never think to tell you until it's too late, and then I end up almost losing you."

"Dean, I understand," Cas let out a small sigh, running his thumb over Dean's. "After I became human, I understood a lot more about emotions. Maybe that was a bad thing. And hearing from everyone that I'm useless, expendable... I didn't know how to feel. I thought maybe you and Sam wouldn't need me either, that I'm only useful when I have my powers, and you'd be better off together and alone. By saying yes to Lucifer... maybe I could finally be of use to you."

"No," Dean said sharply, then realised how unintentionally aggressive he'd sounded. "I mean, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. My head was too far up my own ass for me to notice how much of a dick I was to you. You don't deserve that. I'm so sorry, Cas. I, I..."

Fuck, he couldn't say those three all important words. 'I need you' wasn't enough anymore. It didn't represent the intensity of his feelings for his angel.

"What?" Cas said softly, his eyes suddenly full of hope. "Dean, what were you trying to say?"

Dean huffed, cursing himself for being such a coward. It'd been a long time since he'd properly been in love, probably since Lisa, but the love he felt for her was nothing compared to how much he loved Cas. 

"Sonofabitch," he muttered to himself, psyching himself up to finally say it. "I... I love you, OK? I've loved you for years, maybe I was in too much denial to admit it to myself, but I really mean it. Damn, I didn't even know what true love felt like until I met you, didn't think I'd ever even find out."

There was silence, and Dean thought he'd fucked up. Had it come out wrong? Had he said something offensive accidentally? Nervously he turned around to gage Cas' reaction and noticed the tears streaming down his face.

"Cas? Cas, you OK?" Dean reluctantly separated their hands and instead placed it on Cas' cheek, gently wiping away the tears. 

"I'm fine," Cas murmured, the smile could almost be heard in his voice. "I'm... more than fine. Thank you Dean."

Dean smiled, not even caring how literally worthy of a chick flick this moment was right now. Who gave a shit if he was being overly cheesy, he wanted to show Cas how much he cared.

"You have no idea... how much I needed to hear that," Cas embarrassedly wiped away his tears, never expecting to feel such intense emotion as an angel. "It's nice, knowing your feelings are reciprocated, especially after doubting it for so long."

"Do you remember?" Dean took his hand away from Cas' cheek and took his hand back in his own. "What I said to you before you expelled Lucifer? What I did?"

"I... I remember it, vaguely," Cas finally gathered the energy to shift further up the bed so he was leaning against the pillows. "Not all of what you said... but after..."

Dean bit his lip nervously. "Yes. I remember that very clearly."

"Well thank god for that," Dean found himself subconsciously leaning closer. "I can't have you forgetting our first kiss. That's no way to start a... never mind."

"Dean?"

"Forget it. I don't want to label whatever _this_ ," he gestured between the two of them. "is yet. We'll figure that out some other time. Not today though."

Cas smiled, figuring he could totally get used to the feeling of holding Dean's hand this much. "I understand."

They were both silent for another moment, Dean trying to gather up the courage to kiss Cas again. He'd never been this much of a nervous wreck before, with women he was always smooth and flirtatious, but it seemed with someone he genuinely loved like Cas he turned into a blushing mess.

"Uh, Cas?" Cas looked up from staring at his lap to the hunter sitting beside him. "Can I kiss you again? I just, really want to right now and I'm sorry if that's not what you want or I'm making you uncomfortable or-"

"Dean," Cas cut his nervous rambling short. "I'd love that."

Dean sighed happily, shifting so his legs were up on the bed and leaning over his angel. Cas welcomed him, their hands still joined together. _Fuck it_ , Dean thought as he closed the short distance and pressed their lips together.

It felt like time stopped. There was nothing outside of them, no bunker, no Amara, no nothing, just the two of them alone. Alone in their own little bubble.  
Dean poured years of suppressed feelings into the kiss, making it passionate and full of desperation. He didn't want it to be too intense for Cas though, so he slowed down slightly, turning it into sweet, gentle and long pecks. His spare hand was holding Cas' cheek, loving the feeling of his angel kissing him back with just as much love. 

Their kiss seemed to go on forever before they eventually broke apart, Dean resting his forehead to Cas' and just staying there for a moment. Sharing breath, eyes contently closed, lips red from kissing. 

"I love you too," Cas whispered, barely audible. "So, so much. More than you'll ever know."

Dean couldn't resist giving another, albeit smaller and more chaste, kiss to Cas' lips. "Love you, angel."

Cas smiled at the nickname, as Dean moved off Cas' lap to climb into bed beside him. "Never leavin' you again."

"Stay," Cas shuffled down until he was lying on his side and they were both facing each other. 

"Turn over," Dean mumbled a moment later, and Cas didn't understand him at first and made that confused yet adorable squinty face Dean loved, but obeyed anyway. He then felt a pair of strong arms encircle his waist, and Dean's head nestled in the space between his shoulder blades, where his wings were.

Both of them fell asleep swiftly and peacefully that night, even Cas who didn't usually sleep as an angel. Dean's embrace was so soothing and comforting and made him feel safe. Loved. Protected. Like he was worth something, and that was all that mattered. That the man he'd been in love with for many years now, the man he'd given up an army for, rebelled against heaven for, done everything for and always put before himself, finally loved him back. Castiel, an angel who'd lived for millennia, was content with knowing this beautiful human soul cared for him in the same way he'd done for way too long.


End file.
